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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

WALT improve sentences so that they create a picture in the readers mind

1. The cat sat at his food bowl

"Sally fat greedy cat purred as his sad huge green eyes peered down at his empty bowl" By Jannah

"Yesterday, the hungry lonely and sad cat sat down while his fiery red eyes glared into his empty bowl" By Emma

"The small hungry kitten slobbed at his dry slimy cat food" By Sam

2. My garden is nice in spring

"My lush green garden is always best when the great seasonal spring comes round to New Zealand" By Nick

"My colourful garden lights up like a beautiful sunset" By Tennille

3. I'm so hungry

"Tummy rumbles and sickly feeling... all the things I'm feeling. In other words I'M HUNGRY!" By Alanna
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3 comments:

  1. Ben WestclememtJune 21, 2011 at 10:43 PM

    I have got 7817 points on mathletics Mrs Amos.
    From Ben Westclement.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJune 22, 2011 at 5:16 PM

    Wow what powerful writing Room 5. I sure got some amazing visual images in my head. Keep up the great work.

    Miss G

    ReplyDelete
  3. xiomaraJune 29, 2011 at 9:36 PM

    Well done room5. Really good sentences i especially like Emma's improved sentences your teacher must be showing you some really cool writing skills well done.

    ReplyDelete

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